Whispers in the Wind.

2008-06-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Things are getting beter. Gram isnt flipping out as much anymore and im not thinking about chris as much. It still hurts sometimes. Missing him and all. I try to think about us hanging out and having a good time not me leaving to go back home. I dont think leaving this time will be as easy as it has been before. I really like him but there is nothing i can do if he doesnt like me back in the same way. All i can is accept it and be his friend. Hopefully everything works out for the best.

2008-06-11T18:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, so ive been in Maine for 5 days now. Its been pretty hard with gram yelling and all. She just wont shut up, ever. I dont know anymore.... I went to work with Chris. Chris harrington. He is this guy I dated about 3 or 4 years ago. It was just a summer thing but when i saw him the other day my heart started pouding so hard i thought it was going to bounce out of my chest. I know it wont work, he has a gf and i live so far away but I dont know what it is about him. He made me laugh today, more than i have in a while. I mean it wasnt just a haha laugh either but a real laugh. I personally think he is cuter now than before. I dont really know what it is a feel, i dont know if its because i like him or if its because i might REALLY like him. I just cant stop thinking about him and i wish he was here with me right now. When im with him i feel safe. He isnt the best of driver, actually to any normal person he would be a crazy maniac but when im in the car with him i feel excited not scared. Ugh i need help. I always fall for the guys i cant have. And the guys that dont want me. He told me today I was just a good friend and he didnt like me anymore. Hey, its fine. Id rather be something than nothing. Ane he is a good friend, i know hes there if and when i need him. I just wish i could get him out of my head. No i dont, i love thinking about him. I do, i really do but somethimes its just too much. Wanting something you cant have. Whatever im going to go do something else. Anything. Bye sweetie.
<3

2008-06-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

So, I see that tomorrow never came. Nither will today. [I dont remember what I waas going to say.] Tomorrow im leaving for Maine though. Will be back home in 2 months. Im so happy to be getting a vaca. I have to go now but ill write soon. I promise.
<3

2008-05-14T19:59:00.001-07:00

Its been a while, I know. Been busy. Im too tired and not in the mood to write tonight. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Swwetdreams. <3

2008-04-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

So I found out that April 25 is the "Day of Silence" at school. The day of silence is a day where you, at your own will, can be silent the whole day to support those whose suffer in silence and are afraid to speak up. The majority it targets is gays, lesbians, transgender, ect. but it also apply's to racial status, soical problems, relgion, ect. Kids get beat up and killed everyday for there racial status, sexual preference, choice of religion, and even just because they are concidered "uncool" or "nerdy." The world today has become so shallow and afraid of something new/different that we turn to violence. More and more kids each day suffer in silence because they are afraid to speak up. With me being a christian and all im supposed to say its wrong. The bible clearly states its wrong, but I wont say it is. I refuse to. What right and authority do I have to judge you? None. The bible also states its wrong to judge others. If you want to be gay or whatever you are I dont care. Its none of my business what you are or how you live your life, but that doesnt mean I have to tell you its wrong or hate you for it. I wont do that. I dont agree with disrimination. Even god loves everyone. Thats my opinion and choice. If I want to support them, just to let them know its ok to speak up then I will and there's no one who can stop me. They sent an email out to all the schools faculty and staff and they called all the parents telling them to keep their kids at home. They want us to boycott day of silence. I think they are misinformed. I dont think they really know what it is or what its about. I dont agree with their choices and how they are handling the situation. Day of Silence is so much more than they relize and it could potentually make a difference in someone's life. Now to me thats important.

2008-04-06T17:51:00.001-07:00

I hate feeling lonely and pathedic, but thats how I feel right now. I dated a guy for almost 2 years and even though we have been broken up for about 6 months, i still got attached and now i just cant stand to be alone. Whenever I watch a movie or go out with my friends it just reminds me even more of how I wish I had someone to hold me and love me. Now just because im lonely doesnt mean im desperate. Im not. I wont settle for just anyone that comes along. I have my standards, though there isnt many. What I look for in a guy is: a nice smile, nice hair, good body, smart, goal orinated, someone who will love me and accept me for who I am. They better have gone to or is planning on going to college. I dont want any loser mama's boys. Sorry guys. Much love to you anywhos. <3

2008-04-05T19:37:00.000-07:00

Music is the anti-drug to my problem. To me music isnt just words on a page, or sounds in my ear but its a feeling, a way of life. There is always a song to make me feel better, or when im sad a song that can relate. There are many different types and genres of music: Instrumental, Rock, Rap, Country, Swing, Jazz, Classical, Reagge and more. My ipod is my way of escaping from the world. Most people dont understand, that for me escaping to the land of music, even for a moment is better than a lifetime in this world of reality. Today wasn't bad but mom did come home and automatically start yelling. I was cleaning my room all day but I guess that wasn't enough. I should have done dishes and watched shane too. I do alot around here and I always feel like its not enough. I know she works hard but she needs to realize that I do too. Soon I will be getting a job and I wont be able to do everything. Oh well, im going to listen to my ipod. See you soon.

2008-04-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

One thing I have always wanted to do is go out into the country with no lights, late at night, and just gaze at the stars, or during the day go and look at the beautiful scenery. While the city is pretty it gets old sometimes. Its nice to have a break once in a while from all the noise and lights. To go somewhere and just sit outside and listen to the waves in the ocean, the animals in their habitat or even the quietness of the wind. I mean in 20 years where do you think our "City" will be? There is so much pollution and they're always coming out with new technology, soon we wont even be able to see what little stars we can. Sometimes I wonder if we are getting better or worse. People take for granite how beautiful our earth really is. Im not saying I do everything to help keep it that way but I am saying I do take the time to appreciate it. Plus I do a little in helping, I dont litter, I recycle my cans, and I dont smoke. This past week has been crazy. Non-stop on-the-go. Ugh, I feel so exhausted. All in all I just need a good night's rest, which I wont be getting tonight considering it's already 1:35 a.m. Hopefully tomorrow. I'm going to sleep now but I leave you with one question. Whats something you can do, big or small, to help the earth today?